Wednesday, 15 February 2012

The day of love..... Valentine's Day

Ahhh   a year goes by so quickly when you spend it with the person you love…It feels like no time at all since me and Neil were spending our very first valentines together.  I guess when I think about it quite a bit has happened since then, I just didn’t realise it… Last valentines day was when I found out my younger sister was pregnant with her first baby… I remember feeling stunned because she was only 16 at the time and no one knew she was pregnant… I must admit I was also a bit sad when I found out because I knew everything was going to change after that… I knew she would get married and then move away from home and I knew I would miss her loads so I was a bit upset and worried about it at the time…. but now baba is here and she really is one of the most beautiful and happy babies I’ve ever seen.. she’s growing up very fast and you only have to take one look at her to know she’s going to be a cheeky little minx when she gets older, as you can see from the pic….also even though my sister did move away from home she isn’t that far away and I still get to see her loads, only difference is I get to have lots of lovely baba cuddles too now J

Even though my sister is quite a young mum she is an amazing mummy… baba is taken care of really well and is very loved… she’s always smiling and is just generally a very happy baby.  My sister also has CF so to have a baby and still cope as well as she has is amazing, and I’m very proud of her... She’s one of those people who you know were born to be a mummy because it comes naturally to her.  I was lucky enough to be their when baba was born and I got to cut the cord which is something I will cherish forever..

Lisa-Marie (baba)

Me and Neil went out for a meal for Valentine’s at the Exeter Arms which does a Toby Carvary; the roast their is the best I’ve ever tasted.  They always do a minimum of 3 meats, usually Turkey, Beef and Gammon, so there’s always a good choice, and also unlike a lot of places they do a wide range of veg so there’s always something for everyone.  I did feel a bit greedy because Neil only had a little bit on his plate and mine was pretty much completely full ! I actually thought my appetite was just ok-ish at the minute, but in reality I think I’ve just got used to eating a lot more over the past month because of the steroids I’m on.  I noticed the man sat next to us looked at me a bit strange, I think people see how petite I am and expect me to eat hardly anything, then when they see me with a huge plate of food they wonder what the hell is going on lol…

My Valentine's outfit..

While we were having our meal I couldn’t help over hearing some of the conversation the couple next to us were having… I wasn’t purposely listening but the tables were very close together so it was hard not to… basically this couple were moaning at each other, well I say each other, it was mainly the woman moaning at him…. From what I got from the conversation he wanted to go somewhere and she didn’t… he only mentioned it, it wasn’t like he was pestering her to go or anything like that, but she seemed to snap at him and then started having a go at him for other unrelated stuff in a very negative voice… basically openly criticising him in front of a restaurant of people on Valentine’s day.. Now this couple weren’t young young, they were probably in their 30s… I understand as relationships grown over the years people get comfortable with each other, they have kids to think about and other responsibilities etc and sometimes it’s stressful and it’s not always lovey dovey, but listening to these people I didn’t sense any love between them at all… in fact it sounded like neither of them wanted to be their with each other at all…. Also I felt really sorry for the man because who would want to be criticised by their partner in front of a restaurant of people and on Valentine’s day?!  She was honestly speaking to him like he was an animal or something, she sounded like she owned him and he had to do whatever she said…it was like he didn’t have needs/wants of his own… it was all about what she wanted… I personally think a relationship is a partnership, it takes two people to make it work and the needs/wants of both partners are equally important…I would never presume to tell Neil what he can and can not do, he is his own person with his own mind and I know he would never try and order me around either… sure sometimes I get him to do stuff like his over night feed when maybe he wasn’t going to, but that’s out of love not bossiness, and he does the same to me… This woman though sounded very bitter and selfish… women often complain about men and how they’re useless and how they don’t do enough for them….. maybe if some of these women actually made an effort once in a while and didn’t constantly moan at their partners and tried to be a little more understanding then maybe men would show them more love and not feel the need to do things like have an affair.  I’m not saying for a second this is an excuse to have an affair but if you were a man being constantly criticised and moaned at and made to feel useless and then some  woman starts being nice to you and actually listens to you and treats you like a person in your own right what would you do?  I know men aren’t perfect and maybe there are specific reasons why these women feel the need to treat men like this but I do feel some women are very selfish and don’t treat a relationship as a two way thing..  If you find the right ones men are worth their weight in gold, they will protect you, comfort you, listen to you, work hard to give you everything you’ve ever needed or wanted, tell you how beautiful you are and be your biggest fan…. Is it really that much for them to ask just to be given some respect and to be told how appreciated they are once in a while? Lets not forget men are only human too… they may not always show it but they have feelings just as much as anyone else…. So next time you feel like moaning at or criticising your partner say something nice to them instead or tell them how much you appreciated something and see what happens... Anyway I just wanted to get that off my chest… it’s not just this couple I’ve seen do this…. I often see women moaning at men and I know some of it isn’t meant in a horrible way but no one likes to be moaned at and even though I know men aren’t always angels they do put up with a lot sometimes and if you treat them right they will give you the world…

Also something else I would like to get off my chest is what’s with everyone slagging valentine’s day off?! So what if it is one day that you’re suppose to show your other half how much you love them….. this doesn’t mean you have to not show them how much you love them the rest of the year, that goes without saying… if you love someone you show them all the time, but people are busy, we all have responsibilities and sometimes we don’t get to spend as much time together as we would like… so what’s wrong with having one day a year dedicated to showing how much you care… if you don’t want to buy gifts/flowers etc then don’t, but there’s nothing wrong with the idea of doing something special  to celebrate…  if that’s not your thing then fine but please don’t try and make the rest of us feel stupid for wanting to celebrate it.... each to their own..

After our meal we went to Sainsbury’s to get a DVD to watch back at the hospital… We got Johnny English 2, I’ve been meaning to watch it and Neil wanted to watch it too so we got that…. It was very funny; glad I finally got around to watching it…. Hope we didn’t annoy the other patients too much with our laughing! Lol. Was nice to curl up watching a film munching on some yummy biscuits our dietician made, she’s come up with some new tactics to get our weight up now, by bringing us in yummy biscuits! Lol.

I also got some presents from Neil (because even though I keep telling him not to buy me too much he always does!) I might change my tactic and ask him TO buy me lots of stuff, maybe then he will do the opposite? I like getting the occasional present as much as anyone but Neil doesn’t even need an occasion to get me something he just gets it… Admittedly I do always end up liking what he’s got me because he always remembers things that I mention I’m going to get or things that I like… don’t think I’ve ever met another man that listens so well… going to have to watch what I say in future, then he wont know what I like :-P 

Freddy No 6

my lovely card :-)

Obviously being in hospital for Valentine’s isn’t ideal… and some would say it isn’t the most romantic place in the world…. But actually in the end it didn’t even really matter because we got to spend it together and we still had a nice night….also the hospital is where me and Neil met and we’ve spent a lot of time their together….so even though it isn’t the most romantic place it has memories for us….the only bad things about it is I obviously had to leave later on as I’m not an inpatient at the minute only Neil is, which I was a bit sad about…. I didn’t want to leave but I left it until about half 1, so as late as possible….the ward doesn’t really allow partners to stay over night so I had to leave L

I can’t believe me and Neil have been together over a year already… Our relationship started very quickly really… it didn’t take long at all before we were in a relationship together… I know a lot of people start out as friends for a while and then slowly move into the more serious stuff but with us it was pretty instant… This was very unusual for me because I don’t automatically accept people into my life easily… I like to take my time and get to know people first…. I’m a very quiet person until I get to know someone properly then I open up and people start to see the real me… but with Neil it was different… as soon as I met him I felt comfortable with him and he was easy to talk to… this is mainly because he’s so down to earth and a bit of a chatter box :-P he will talk to anyone about anything, he doesn’t care lol….he’s a bit of a cheeky chappy J He didn’t make me feel like he wanted anything from me when we first met, you know sometimes you meet someone and you can tell straight away they want to be more than friends and are overly nice to try and make that happen…. It wasn’t like that with Neil… he just treated me like I was a good friend and was himself…. I remember we went out for a meal with some of his family while we were both in hospital (we were friends at the time) his grandma asked if he was going to pay for my meal to treat me (which I wouldn’t have let him do anyway) and he said no I don’t have much money…. Haha … I loved this because I knew what I was seeing was the genuine person and not someone who was just trying to impress me…. That was the night I fell in love with him J 

Relationships and commitment in general aren’t easy for me… I’m a very independent person by nature… I’ve always done things by myself; I’ve always been quite a self contained type of person…. My sense of freedom and independence are very important to me (I blame the fact my star sign is Sagittarius, apparently we are well known for this!) I don’t know what it is about relationships that scare me so much, I remind myself of that film runaway bride, when I get in too deep I get an overwhelming feeling of wanting to run…I need time on my own to think about things.  I guess it’s the idea of losing my independence or freedom that scares me….I get times when I just need to go off by myself and do stuff on my own… not necessarily physically but sometimes I just generally go somewhere else in my head for a while thinking about things…. And I need someone who understands that and leaves the back door unlocked so to speak...  If I’m allowed to come and go freely I will always return but if anyone tries to keep me where I am or restrict me in anyway I will run for the hills….Early on in our relationship me and Neil actually split up for a while…. This was because I got scared and felt the need to run away….. I fell for Neil very quickly and it was quite scary to feel that amount of love for someone who I hadn’t known for very long…especially when I’m not the kind of person who lets people in easily…I guess I just needed to run away to think about things and I guess to actually test how he would react to me running away… but then once I had time by myself to think about how I felt and to realise that being in a relationship with someone doesn’t takeaway your freedom then I was fine and realised how much I missed Neil…  It probably sounds stupid to everyone else but it makes sense to me lol..  I guess I just need time to come around to things sometimes…

This is what I love about Neil… he lets me come and go freely…. Because he knows I will always come back that way…I feel very lucky to have found someone who understands me and my odd ways and who treats me like an Angel J he’s always telling me I’m beautiful, when I talk he really listens to me and he’s the most unselfish person I’ve ever met….. He basically makes me know no one else could ever take my place…

I know one day me and Neil will get married and move in together…but again this is something I need time to come around to….being someone’s wife is a big deal…. Marriage is a big responsibility….. I’ve always known if I ever got married it would be forever… I think too many people rush into marriage just because they feel it’s the next step they should be doing… I don’t want to get married just because it feels like
the next thing, I want to already be in a relationship that I know is going to be life long and then get married just to seal the deal so to speak…. I think people make marriage out to be more than it actually is… the relationship you have before being married is the same relationship you will have afterwards too… the only difference is you will have a ring and a piece of paper afterwards….. I know how I feel and I know how much our relationship means to me… I don’t need a ring and a piece of paper to remind me of that……I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with getting married if your with the right person and your both ready and I am planning to one day…. I’m just saying there’s no rush…if you’re planning on being with that person forever anyway what’s wrong with waiting a while? I think people get carried away with the whole idea of a big white wedding, but actually marriage is so much more then that.... your going to be with this person for the rest of your lives...there will be times you will probably want to strangle them... times when you disagree, and maybe even times when you think about walking away... and if your relationship isn't that strong in the first place you probably wont last the course... that's why it has to be solid before you get married, so even through those tough times you stay by their side... 

Anyway that’s enough cheese and lovey dovey stuff….  I don’t want to make you all throw up; it is a valentines post though to be fair J
Hope everyone else had a lovely Valentine's Day!

Monday, 13 February 2012

My First Blog !

So I've decided to try out this blogging thing.... Quite a few people I know seem to be doing it including Blu Tac Bandit so I thought if someone as cool as him is doing it I might give it a go :-) As I've put in my description box this blog isn't about anything specific, just the many thoughts that go around in my head at times... I've never actually blogged before so sorry if I'm really rubbish at it or it gets boring!  I'm not completely new to writing as I keep a private diary but I've just never written on a public blog before...
So this morning my day has pretty much started off the same as usual..... between wring this I'm doing my morning medications, I've done my morning tablets with consist of antifungal tablets for my Aspergillus (which is a reaction to a normal fungi that is in the environment naturally) this doesn't cause a problem to normal healthy people but because of my Cystic Fibrosis my immune system is compromised so things that don't affects most people becomes a problem for me... basically I've become allergic to it and my lungs respond my creating inflammation.... I can't actually avoid this as it's in the air so I breath it invery day... but I take these tablets to try and rid my system of the aspergillus to try and lessen the reaction..  I also take a oral antibiotic called Doxycycline, this keeps infections at bay... I grow 2 serious bugs in my lungs, MRSA (Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus) and pseudomonas.... these bugs aren't dangerous to other people (you wont catch them from me) I only have them because my immune system is compromised so I pick things up alot easier then most people... unless you yourself are very ill and also have a weakened immune system then you aren't at risk from me... normal healthy people rarely ever catch these type of bugs.. ... Thirdly I take a tablet called Carboceistine which is suppose to help keep the phlegm in my lungs loose and watery so it's easier to clear from my lungs.... and lastly for my morning tablets I take a Calcium tablet as people with CF don't absorb vitamins and calcium very well so we take these to help us avoid osteoporosis down the line (which is a problem for a few people with CF as they get older..... as in late 20s or earlier depending on the person) I don't personally have any problems with my bones as of yet though..

Now usually I would do my morning nebulisers which are Ventolin and Ipratropium (these open my airways to make it easier to breath as my airways collaps easily and have lots of sticky mucus in them so I need to keep them fully open with these nebs) also I have something called Pulmozyme (this helps keep the mucus loose and watery so I can cough it up more easily and lastely I have Colomycin which is a nebulised antibiotic to keep the infection in my lungs down.... This morning I've had a small bleed though (which isn't completely unusual, I've had them before) I had a bit of a coughing fit and a small blood vessel must have poped.... so I've decided not to do my nebs just in case it irritates it more and causes another bleed... will do them later instead... 

not the nicest to look at sorry lol

So today I have a few things to do..... I need to order another bottle of gas as mine seems to have ran out... it really hasn't lasted long but then it's been really cold so I've had my heater on continuously plus using the oven to cook... I also need to try and book a table somewhere nice for Valentine's day (which I'm worried I've left a bit late in true Charmaine style) but hopefully I can still get one... it was my turn to plan Valentine's day this year as Neil planned it last year and he's obviously not well at the minute.... My planning skills aren't as good as Neil's though unfortunately :/ I always leave things to the last minute! Also going to find out about starting some Yoga  classes... A few people seem to recommend it for helping the lungs and I need to get into some kind of exercise (exercise has never been something I've done but I think now is as good a time to start as any.... need to get these lungys working to their best)  And that's pretty much it really..... that's my plan for today, apart from the usual everyday stuff like being a domestic godess haha! :-)